[ Topic blagues ] Pour les blagues ou les dernières conneries du web

[mota]

Un monsieur qui a une grosse verge (50 cm) en a par dessus la tête de son membre oppulent; il décide donc d'aller voir un chirurgien :

"-Bonjour docteur ce serait pour me faire raccourcir le sexe.

-Bonjour monsieur, je puis ainsi dire qu'il ne m'est pas impossible de satisfaire votre demande mais il y a tout de même un risque de devenir impuissant.

-Ah mince, que puis-je faire alors ?

-Il se trouve que dans la forêt avoisinante, habite une grenouille magique, il faut que vous la trouviez et qu vous lui demandiez de l'épouser.

-Merci docteur, au revoir.

-Au revoir."

A ces mots, le rocco ne sent se plus de joie, il ouvre un large bec et... non en fait il se rend dans la forêt magique où se trouve la grenouille magique :

"-Bonjour madame la grenouille, voulez-vous m'épouser ?

-Non! rétorqua sêchement l'amphibien.

La verge de l'homme se mit alors à rétrécir de 10 cm.

-Je crois que vous avez mal compris ma question, voulez-vous m'pouser ?

-Non je ne veux pas! répondit la grenouille agacée.

Le membre de l'homme rétrécit alors de nouveau de 10 cm, mais 30 cm était déja encore beaucoup, il retenta une dernière fois :

-Vous êtes sûre que vous ne voulez pas m'épouser ?

-Non, non, non et non!

[Simcamb]

[citation=64384,2871,19][nom]AL1Snip a écrit[/nom]le salaud ... il filme au lieu de l'aider :ouch: [/citation]T'as 3 lionnes devant toi qui ont l'air d'avoir la dalle, tu vas leur sauter dessus ? :/

[lowskill]

[citation=64420,2880,16][nom]dPm a écrit[/nom]bah les stars aiment pas quand il y a trop de paparazzi... on les comprend....

enfin bref, il me semble que c'est un fake, ou un gros calin.....[/citation]

je penche aussi pour le gros calin ^^

[Eveden]

[citation=64469,2880,21][nom]AL1Snip a écrit[/nom]non 10km à l'est[/citation]

Exact, je me suis mélangé les pinceaux.

[AL1Snip]

[citation=64474,2880,23][nom]Simcamb a écrit[/nom]T'as 3 lionnes devant toi qui ont l'air d'avoir la dalle, tu vas leur sauter dessus ? :/[/citation]

bah j'avance au moins ma caisse pour pousser les bebêtes et essayer que le mec se glisse en dessous ...

ou je saute à pieds joints sur mon klaxon ...

enfin un truc avec la bagnole ...

ça mange pas les voitures les lionnes si ??? :whistle:

[Simcamb]

t'as jamais vu une lionne vraiment affamée toi !

[:666]

[mota]

Y'a personne qui aime ma blague ? :sweat:

[Simcamb]

je la connaissais ^^

[hellbarto]

bon j'ai essayé de le faire avec mon faible niveau en anglais et je suis ...

et je viens de remarquer que j'ai fait un vieux test et que vous etes passer a des blagues

[mota]

[citation=64489,2895,15][nom]hellbarto a écrit[/nom]bon j'ai essayé de le faire avec mon faible niveau en anglais et je suis ...

http://www.liquidgeneration.com/quiz/images/villain_dr-evil.jpg[/citation]

[url=http://www.liquidgeneration.com][img=http://www.liquidgeneration.com/quiz/images/villain_dr-evil.jpg][/url]

ce qui donne:

[Ag0Nie]

comment k'y s'la pête le Bruno!

[hellbarto]

merci mota

[mota]

Au moins mes flatulencent sentent bon

Pour moi :sweat:

edit: De rien

[hellbarto]

Voila j'ai rectifié grace a mota.

Je pourrai m'endormir moins bete ce soir grace a toi

[mota]

^^

petite blagounette :

http://files.kids.hanmail.net/kids/kids/ani/boomba/flashmovie_boomba_ep1.swf

Remarquez la musique de fin qui est tout simplement un chef-d'oeuvre

[Chrisoflamme]

c'est sympa

[Ag0Nie]

bof...

[valou]

la reponse etai; l'ours etai sur le pole nord

[Chico]

Comment démonter un américain qui est pour la guerre en Irak.

Attention c'est long et c'est en anglais (désolé pour vos roulettes )

J'adore la fin

[g]Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?[/g]

Questions and Answers about Foreign Policy (and the U.S. Invasion of Iraq)

© 2003 anarchie bunker

Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?

A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.

Q: But the inspectors didn't find any weapons of mass destruction.

A: That's because the Iraqis were hiding them.

Q: And that's why we invaded Iraq?

A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.

Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn't find any weapons of mass

destruction, did we?

A: That's because the weapons are so well hidden. Don't worry, we'll

find something, probably right before the 2004 election.

Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?

A: To use them in a war, silly.

Q: I'm confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use

in a war, then why didn't they use any of those weapons when we went to war

with them?

A: Well, obviously they didn't want anyone to know they had those

weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than defend

themselves.

Q: That doesn't make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all

those big weapons with which they could have fought back?

A: It's a different culture. It's not supposed to make sense.

Q: I don't know about you, but I don't think they had any of those

weapons our government said they did.

A: Well, you know, it doesn't matter whether or not they had those

weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.

Q: And what was that?

A: Even if Iraq didn't have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein

was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another

country.

Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his

country?

A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.

Q: Kind of like what they do in China?

A: Don't go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic

competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops to

make U.S. corporations richer.

Q: So if a country lets its people be exploited for American corporate

gain, it's a good country, even if that country tortures people?

A: Right.

Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?

A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People

who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Isn't that exactly what happens in China?

A: I told you, China is different.

Q: What's the difference between China and Iraq?

A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba'ath party, while China

is Communist.

Q: Didn't you once tell me Communists were bad?

A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.

Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?

A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are

sent to prison and tortured.

Q: Like in Iraq?

A: Exactly.

Q: And like in China, too?

A: I told you, China's a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other

hand, is not.

Q: How come Cuba isn't a good economic competitor?

A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, our government passed some

laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with

Cuba until they stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like

us.

Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and

started doing business with them, wouldn't that help the Cubans become

capitalists?

A: Don't be a smart-ass.

Q: I didn't think I was being one.

A: Well, anyway, they also don't have freedom of religion in Cuba.

Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?

A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam

Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he's not really a

legitimate leader anyway.

Q: What's a military coup?

A: That's when a military general takes over the government of a country

by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United

States.

Q: Didn't the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?

A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is

our friend.

Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?

A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.

Q: Didn't you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly

overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate

leader?

A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he

helped us invade Afghanistan.

Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?

A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.

Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?

A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men - fifteen of them Saudi

Arabians - hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings in

New York and Washington, killing 3,000 innocent people.

Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?

A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive

rule of the Taliban.

Q: Aren't the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off

people's heads and hands?

A: Yes, that's exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off

people's heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.

Q: Didn't the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars

back in May of 2001?

A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job

fighting drugs.

Q: Fighting drugs?

A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing

opium poppies.

Q: How did they do such a good job?

A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban

would have their hands and heads cut off.

Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people's heads and hands for growing

flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people's heads and hands off for

other reasons?

A: Yes. It's OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off

people's hands for growing flowers, but it's cruel if they cut off people's

hands for stealing bread.

Q: Don't they also cut off people's hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?

A: That's different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy

that oppressed women and forced them to wear burqas whenever they were in

public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.

Q: Don't Saudi women have to wear burqas in public, too?

A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.

Q: What's the difference?

A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet

fashionable garment that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes

and fingers. The burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal

oppression that covers all of a woman's body except for her eyes and

fingers.

Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.

A: Now, don't go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are

our friends.

Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were

from Saudi Arabia.

A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.

Q: Who trained them?

A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.

Q: Was he from Afghanistan?

A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very

bad man.

Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.

A: Only when we helped him and the mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion

of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.

Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan

talked about?

A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or

thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call

them Russians now.

Q: So the Soviets - I mean, the Russians - are now our friends?

A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after

they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our

invasion of Iraq, so we're mad at them now. We're also mad at the French

and the Germans because they didn't help us invade Iraq either.

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French

fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn't do what we

want them to do?

A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.

Q: But wasn't Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?

A: Well, yeah. For a while.

Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?

A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our

friend, temporarily.

Q: Why did that make him our friend?

A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.

Q: Isn't that when he gassed the Kurds?

A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked

the other way, to show him we were his friend.

Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes

our friend?

A: Most of the time, yes.

Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an

enemy?

A: Sometimes that's true, too. However, if American corporations can

profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.

Q: Why?

A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for

America. Also, since God is on America's side, anyone who opposes war is a

godless unAmerican Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?

Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?

A: Yes.

Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?

A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him

what to do.

Q: So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because

George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes,

make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.

Q: Good night, Daddy.

-------------------------------------------------------

J'aime bien le

Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?

A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French

fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.

[lowskill]

ça me faisait chier de tout lire.. Je doutais que ce soit drole.. j'aimerai savoir si j'ai raté une grande page de l'humour français qui restera gravé dans tous les coeurs dans le post de Chico.

[DOB3RM4N]

tres long mais excellent.(j'ai sauté la moitié :whistle: )

So basically, what you're saying is that we attacked Iraq because

George W. Bush hears voices in his head?

[Chico]

[citation=64509,2871,50][nom]Lowskill a écrit[/nom]ça me faisait chier de tout lire.. Je doutais que ce soit drole.. j'aimerai savoir si j'ai raté une grande page de l'humour français qui restera gravé dans tous les coeurs dans le post de Chico.[/citation]

.l.

c'est pas spécialement humoristique dans le sens où t'éclates pas de rire, mais c'est marrant de voir comment le gars se fait contrer toutes ses réponses

[lowskill]

si je m'ennuie je lirai peut etre

[AL1Snip]

[citation=64506,2880,39][nom]valou a écrit[/nom]la reponse etai; l'ours etai sur le pole nord[/citation]

alors t'as du te planter en écrivant l'énoncé du problème coco :sarcastic:

[reylecatalan]

ouaich :wahoo:

doberman

je love ton avatare